damnfool-of-a-took:

curlicuecal:

peace-love-colbert:

@kimgoodwin | 7/19/18

you know, I think about the subtleties of this term a lot, because it’s inherently a term related to assumptions and prejudgements about your audience (namely: how familiar are they with the subject I want to talk about) and because a certain amount of best guesses are inherent to general conversation.

‘Mansplaining’ is *not* just ‘a man explained a thing to a woman’ or even ‘a man misjudged his audience.’

Mansplaining is a term that arises because men are especially likely to assume women are less informed on topics then they themselves are, especially traditionally ‘male’ topics. And as a woman it is frustrating and belittling to encounter these assumptions at high frequency.

On the other hand, people in general love to explain their topics of interest to other people.

How do balance these things in the fly?

Well. This is a actually challenge I encounter a *lot*, but in a largely non-gendered context, in academia. Because at conferences and other scientist-frequented gatherings we are *constantly* talking about stuff we are excited about that needs explaining, and we are *constantly* thrown into situations where we have to rapidly assess the other person’s level of familiarity with the subject. Academia is a whole damn world of niche specialities with unpredictable overlaps.

Do you know how embarassing it is to be talking about a paper you vaguely remember and realize later that you were talking to the world expert in that field? Because I have had that experience. More than once. And you’re left frantically trying to remember if you said anything particularly stupid or presumptive.

On the other hand, do you know how useless it is to the other person if they ask about your work and you jump in about three levels able their head and don’t even bother to lay the groundwork about why this topic is broadly relevant or interesting? That’s just bad science communication.

I think this chart nails the number one rule for approaching this problem: did you ask? are you checking in to see where comprehension is with your audience and to assess their engagement and knowledge?

One of the first things I teach students for practicing their on-the-fly ‘elevator pitches’ about their research is to build in these check ins. “I don’t know how familiar you are with ant biology…?” “Have you heard about that new stuff with gut bacteria affecting human health and behavior?” “Have you ever known anyone with Parkinson’s?”

And this holds true at *every level* of science communication: whether you’re talking to the judge that stopped by your poster and trying to affirm their familiarity with your particular subject area, whether you’re teaching a new class of students and have no idea how solid their background is on a topic and what’s going to bore them vs what’s going to lose them. Or maybe it’s your friend’s neighbor’s mom, asking what kind of science you do, and you really are blind to their history with the topic.

‘Mansplaining’ exists as gendered term because there is a *pattern* of this occurring based around gendered dynamics, but the wider phenomenon of misjudging your audience is something that *everybody* has to learn how to tackle at some point in their life.

Don’t assume! Check in! Keep checking in! It’s not a lecture, it’s a conversation, and that means interaction.

Ooh, reblogging again for really good points – I’ve definitely felt like an ass for going on about cool stuff I encountered in Japan only to find that the person I was talking to had been going there in the summers for years & already knew most of what I was saying :P. Having a built in, habitual check in when you’re talking about stuff that isn’t common knowledge is a great way to avoid that in general.

Thinking about this a little more—

context and tone are important, too. people are a lot more forgivingly indulgent of ‘excited sharing’ than of ‘condescending correction.’

and frankly, even in situations where you *do* know more than the other party, people just enjoy being invited to share your excitement on topic much more than they enjoy the sense of being used as Correct Information Receptacles. my students engage way more when I share than when I inform.

throwtime:

throwtime:

I’m about to have a fun afternoon.

So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.

She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.

This should make for an interesting story.

So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.

Arrival:

So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”

Retrieval:

So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.

Delivery:

So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.

What a great day.

Photographer Being Sued By A Monkey Over Its ‘Selfie’ Is Now Broke

zoologicallyobsessed:

cedrwydden:

zoologicallyobsessed:

sass-master-stevens:

tinysaurus-rex:

zoologicallyobsessed:

THIS is what i mean when I say animal rights groups are absolute garbage that waste time, resources and money, all whilst doing nothing for animal’s welfare.

peta have ruined a person’s life and career over a fucking photo. This is what peta does with it’s donated money and resources. This is what you’re supporting when you support animal rights groups.

It’s even worse because the photographer was working towards macaque conservation and welfare.

Don’t lump all animal rights groups into being the same as PETA

Actually I will because all animal rights groups are the same. Animal rights fundamental belief is based on applying human behaviours / rights and the anthropomorphism that comes from that, onto animals. They believe at their core that animals should have the same rights as humans and they’ll gladly compare marginalised people and their oppression to animals which in itself is disgusting.

Animal rights has done nothing to actually help animals or improve the welfare and care of them. Animal rights activists are people throwing red paint at literal strangers, or doing graphic gross public “demonstrations” in order to shock, they sit on a pile of their own bs and think they’re ethically or morally superior to everyone else despite doing nothing to actually help animals.

They include for profit groups such as PETA which do more harm then good, or terrorist organisations like the animal liberation front.

Animal welfare activism is what you all should be supporting. Animal welfare organisations are non-for-profit and built up of actual animal professionals; vets, scientists, conversationalists, farmers, so on. Animal welfare activist are the reason we have animal welfare boards that oversee animal scientific research, why scientists have to animal ethics when working with vertebrates, why there are certain welfare regulations for slaughtering animals for agriculture, why there are government laws and guidelines for animal care and welfare. They include groups such as the RSPCA/ ASPCA, The humane society (international),

Animal Welfare League.

If you support animal rights you frankly are ignorant when it comes to animals and to actual welfare practices or how to go about actually changing welfare issues. If you want to read more about the differences between animal rights and animal welfare I have more posts on it here based on my experience as a zoologist and from my education during my undergrad zoo degree in which I had specific units (animal health and welfare unit) that went over animal welfare and rights.

So yes all animal rights groups are horrible and you shouldn’t be supporting them but animal welfare. Which are two very different groups and organisations.

Animal activism is one of those realms where a purely feelings-based approach just won’t do. It’s natural to be angered and saddened by what happens to animals, but if you want to change anything, you need experts and sound strategy. That’s what animal rights groups tend to miss: they’re very good at being visibly outraged and that’s about it.

Take the group I saw downtown a few weeks ago. They were standing there in Guy Fawkes masks with television screens strapped to them showing horrific scenes of animal mutilation. They had ‘Meat Is Murder’ signs. I don’t doubt these people had good intentions, but their approach was completely ineffective.

They weren’t giving out information. Standing there silently with masks on, they weren’t making themselves open to questions. And crucially, what they were doing was driving people away, not bringing them in. Broadcasting extremely disturbing material like that on a busy street where any number of little kids, people with PTSD, or anyone else sensitive to that could see it…that’s just supremely stupid. All they did was make people avoid them. They didn’t really spread awareness.

So when people say you should support animal welfare, not animal rights, they’re not telling you to care less about animals, they’re telling you to use that care to support organisations with expert backing who do things that actually have a positive impact on their wellbeing.

glasurgeist:

thebibliosphere:

cedarrunn:

angstriddentrashhuman:

misangremellama:

panda-pear:

misangremellama:

Reminder for parents that though you may be struggling, it is never appropriate to use your child as your therapist/counselor. It’s unhealthy for the both of you.

Can I ask why? I’m genuinely curious

There’s a few reasons as to why its wrong.

For one, a kid is not equipped to handle a parent’s problems. I’m not saying to never express your feelings or say that you’re having a problem to a child. That can be healthy. But to use them to just dump on is too much. Children just aren’t equipped to deal with the heaviness of adult problems, especially if they’re already going through things themselves.

Two, the inherent power imbalance makes it really uncomfortable. Your child isn’t your friend, they’re your child. Even if they can offer advice, this sort of thing can become like a role reversal. They also would have a hard time separating themselves from it when it becomes too much. A lot of parents feel entitled to their childrens’ time and space, so the children can become overburdened with no reprieve and no way to express that this isn’t their job.

There’s probably more and better ways to explain this, but that’s my two cents on this.

Because I was the oldest child when my parents marriage was collapsing both of them used me to vent about the other, forcing me to justify their negative feelings about a person that I loved by virtue of their place in my life. At 10 years old I was attempting to negotiate the workings of an adult relationship that had never worked and validate their emotions without being harmful to the other. All the while I was deteriorating into an even more depressed and anxious reclusive child, losing friends and and missing out on normal experiences. I felt like I was responsible for the survival of their relationship, above my own well-being I had to figure out how to save them from divorce, from splitting the family up. I never felt like I had the right to tell them I couldn’t handle it. So I shoved everything down and became weirdly mature, too aware of the fact that I was an adult even if I didn’t want to be. Now I have severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD and I can’t even keep a job. I’m 28. Don’t do this to your kids. Please.

This is one form of whats known as parentification.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2017/03/23/your-child-is-not-your-confidant/

My father, having zero support from my mother, would seek me out during his depressive bouts and tell me about how much he wanted to die, over and over. Sometimes I even cleaned and bandaged the wounds. He told me he couldn’t talk to anyone else and I was his entire lifeline. I was nine.

In a similar vein my mother blames me all the time for not leaving my father when she wanted to. She would vent to me about how awful a man he was, how much she hated him and wanted to leave him. And then tell me it was my fault she didn’t because of what I had said. I was twelve. The fuck did I know about life other than it was awful and I was having to hide shit from social work and feeling like it was my fault.

I’m 30 now and they still do this to me. They still try to find ways to other themselves from their failure to protect me and my brother from themselves and make it my responsibility, then try to sugar coat it with “but you were such a good child” or “you’re such a great listener” or “you were so much older than your years”, like yea, cause someone fucking had to be.

Please, do not do this to your children. Please. Get help from an appropriate source, for your sake and theirs. I cannot stress how damaging this shit was to my psyche.

If anybody is driven more by imperical evidence over anecdotal evidence: yes, studies do indeed exist. Here are a few to thumb through.

Emotional childhood parentification and mental disorders in adults

Parentification, Stress, and Problem Behavior of Adolescents who have a Parent with Mental Health Problems

Child sexual abuse, early family risk, and childhood parentification: pathways to current psychosocial adjustment

Marital conflict and support seeking by parents in adolescence: empirical support for the parentification construct

As the last article states, research is still relatively new on the subject. The earliest studies I’ve been able to find were dated in the late 1980’s-to-early 1990’s, with study groups ranging in sample size. Evidence so far suggests that parentification — surprise! — functionally impacts children the same as emotional abuse. ~~To the surprise of virtually no CoA/ACoA~~, this type of role reversal seems to be a particular trend among alcoholic parents.

prehistories:

prehistories:

sat through a lecture on paleolithic and neolithic culture and society and all i can think abt is how from as early as there have been anatomically modern humans (and even before in some cases) there is archaelogical evidence of gender and sexual variance, caring for the elderly and disabled, a drive to make art and music, a powerful affection for animals and each other, and a desire to learn as much as possible about the world as we can and yet people will still insist these things are not human nature and therefore unnatural, that the things we consider to be essentially human in nature are very recent in the span of our history or felt by only a rare few and not something integral to our humanity and success as a collective whole.

the more we study and analyse history the more we learn what it means to be human, all the good and all the bad, the closer we come to understanding that many things people have considered to be weaknesses of character, illnesses of the person, or meaningless in the face of our mortality are functionally necessary to our humanity and cannot be erased or ignored

nonbinarypastels:

this might sound callous to some of y’all but being an abuse survivor doesn’t mean that every time someone writes a story with abuse in it is about you or your abuse or has anything to do with you at all.

unless someone is specifically writing about YOU and YOUR life story then they are not writing about you. they are not writing about your abuse. a writer is not writing about anyone’s abuse except for whatever character has been or is being abused in their story (or, perhaps, they are writing about their own abuse and working that out through those characters). for you to then come to them and say “stop writing about my abuse” makes…no sense.

the story is not about you.

the characters in that story are not you.

the writer likely does not even know you or anything about you.

being an abuse survivor does not mean you have the Ultimate Authority on who can/cannot write about abuse or how they can/cannot write about it. it does not mean that every story featuring abuse is about you and your individual experiences. it does not mean that every story that features abuse in a way you don’t like is a personal attack on you.

it is, point blank, not about you at all. it’s about the writer and the characters they write. they don’t know you at all and you, your abuse, and anything else about you are no a factor in their writing.

hawaiian-monk-selkie:

awkwardpariah:

hawaiian-monk-selkie:

hawaiian-monk-selkie:

Most Americans: “MONARCHY IS BAAAAADDD!!”

Me, a Hawaiian: “While Hawai’i had a queen we were at the forefront of innovation, technological advancement, and international alliances. All the way up until the “democratic” government of the US illegally arrested her in her own palace and threatened to kill her and massacre her people unless she signed her country over to them. I’d like to have a queen who cares more about her peoples lives than her power again. Also, fuck Trump.”

Reposting cause I can and it’s still relevant

Its worth mentioning that Hawaii is also one of the few countries with a mythic, “Hero King” who they can actually prove existed. King Kamehameha the Great (yes like in Dragon Ball Z), was seven feet tall, the guardian of the war god Kukaʻ ilimoku, and took Hawaii from an archipelago of rival Kingdoms who hadn’t really gotten out of the Bronze Age, unified him under his dominion, and turned the Kingdom of Hawaii into a global trading empire who’s monarchs were greeted at the Court of Queen Victoria.

Guys I’m legit about to cry.

A post I made has over a thousand notes!! And most importantly it’s starting a conversation and spreading knowledge about what was done to my culture.

It is also so heartwarming to go in the notes and find people sharing more information and sources! And even more so to see that only two idiots decided to chime in with their misinformation.

Like, I am damn PROUD of y’all tumblr, we out here learning how to respect each other’s cultures and it’s dooooope!!!!

patrexes:

katvidsrus:

patrexes:

empathy isnt what makes you a good person, and relying solely on empathy as the basis of your moral code will inevitably dehumanize somebody and then where are you

I think empathy in the immediate, emotional sense, is secondary to something you might call global empathy, or compassion. I think the basis of any moral code should be that we are beholden to each other and that our actions should work towards the long term goal of making a better world for everyone. I don’t need a personal, empathetic connection to someone to understand that they deserve to live and thrive

conflating empathy (an instinctive emotional reaction) with altruism (a conscious decision in interaction) demonizes people with aspd & npd and many people with bpd, szpd, dpd and other dissociative disorders, autism, and schizophrenia.

when you refer to ethical, altruistic, or kind actions as “empathic”, whether you intend to or not, what you’re doing is continuing to promote popular belief that because we don’t interact with the world the same way most people do, because we don’t have empathy, we’re unable to be anything but selfish.

so, please, don’t.

bloodybookworm:

jumpingjacktrash:

ham4sprwholck:

Way too many parents need to learn the difference between “a child being disrespectful” and “a human person expressing an opinion that differs from theirs”

my mom had a nice technique for this. when i’d give her sass, she’d say, “i don’t speak rude, what’s that in polite-person-ese?”

basically, she’d encourage me to rephrase my opinion without the attitude. so “UGH, you NEVER let me do ANYTHING!” would (often after quite a bit of bitching and grumbling) turn into “it feels like every time i have a fun idea, you say no, and i just end up sitting around the house.”

and at that point we could troubleshoot like civilized people. she could explain that she didn’t want me to go to jimmy’s sleepover because jimmy’s dad creeps her out, and i could suggest maybe i could have andy over instead, and she could say sure, why not call peter and stacy and brianna and have your own party, i’ll pop some popcorn and rent a movie, and i could add what if we put up tents in the back yard and have a bonfire and roast marshmallows, and she could laugh and say don’t push it.

I really like this technique because it addresses the OPs comment but recognizes that the two can coexist. The problem is often the child is expressing their opinion in a rude or disrespectful way. And as humans we automatically become adverse to opinions we feel are aggressive toward us.

lafememeistnoire:

naamahdarling:

blome3kissesbitch:

blome3kissesbitch:

squeakykins:

rabbitinheadlights:

I feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read their body language as if they were dogs. So here’s a very basic guide to common “mean” things cats do that actually aren’t mean at all if you know what they’re thinking.

Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched
Does not mean: Give belly rubs! – haha I tricked you!
Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting!

Lazily exposing belly – still attacks when touched
Does not mean: tricked you again!
Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well.

Snapping at you while being pet
Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you!
Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.

Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact
Does not mean: I’m ignoring you
Actually means: We’re hanging out! I’m being respectful by giving you space while still enjoying your company.

Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them
Does not mean: I hate you!
Actually means: You’ve failed to establish that we’re not playing, or the way you’re approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye-contact and blink slowly at me before you try again.

I love this post omg, thank you so much. As a lifelong cat person, dogs perplex me because they’re so completely different behaviourally.

I love dogs too but, I’ve been trying to tell people, you canNOT treat cats like you treat dogs. They arent the same animals and have very different personalities

P.s.: people often pet cats way too hard. Dogs like a firm pet or a pat on the belly, cats dont have the same bone structure and are more flexible than dogs so what you’re doing probably hurts them

Sitting and staring
Does not mean: I am challenging you/plotting your demise/just generally evil and creepy.
Actually means: I am a desert-adapted species, so my natural tears are very thick and keep my eyes moist for a nice long time. I do find people interesting and enjoy watching them. I just don’t need to blink very often!

Staring and blinking slowly
Does not mean: I’m smug and think I am smarter than you.
Actually means: I like you! But I don’t need to get up in your face to show it. I can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you I am glad you are around!

It’s very frustrating for me when people expect cats to act like dogs, or act like they’re deceitful. They aren’t! They just AREN’T DOGS.

Pour les chats 🐈💞