I can’t understand my bitch of a mother. And I don’t want to

She wants me to become a doctor so I can get money and when I get married (which she assumes no matter how much I say I don’t want to) I can have power over my husband and not be a housewife. So there is good intention.

I don’t want to go into sciences though. I used to love it as a kid but when those pieces of shit parents of mine shoved tutors down my throat and hated me if I got bad grades i lost any love for it.

I want to go into something that the bitch will never approve off and I told her I hate sciences and don’t want to become a doctor. That being a doctor doesn’t guarantee money, success, or happiness. I’ve always seen it causing the opposite on people in the form of debt and stress. There was even a girl who died of a heart attack due to stress of medical college at the AGE OF 20.

So I already know my parents are pieces of fucking shit and that I’ll never forgive them for as long as I live. I hate them and they hate me. They only love the version of me they can control, that fits the mold of their culture. I know it, they know it, I told them. I said I wanted to die and kill myself bc of them and they told me to do it. Hell, they always love reminding me of how they didn’t write me in their wills so when they’re dead their property will go to the govt and their siblings.

And honestly, I don’t even care. If I had to between choose freedom and money, I would choose freedom. I want the money of course, I want everything out of pure spite. I want to see the look on their faces as I tell them I hate them with power and a big smile on my face. And I never want to see them again.

Unfortunately I’m also a piece of shit. When the worst times are over we fall back into the pattern of ~peace~. I for one, have done my best to distance myself. I stopped looking at them and talking to them and hoping for anything. I just communicate and smile and look at them whenever I want something. I don’t even care, ik I’m using them, and I let them know. I try not be a hypocrite even though I am, the least I can do is admit what they can’t.

Back to the bitch. I asked her why she wants me to be a doctor. She said to be happy. I told her I don’t want to do it. That I have no passion. That I won’t be happy. She laughs it off and says I have no choice. Then I tell her how if I do, I’ll die of stress, I’ve already been losing my hair to it. She still says I’ll do it, being a doctor is the only way. I tell her the the fuck is that true, to give me evidence. She doesn’t. She just says it’s true. I tell her that a girl died at 20 due to stress and what would she do if that happened to me. Now here I was a fool, I had depended on whatever love she had for me to ponder on this.

But what does this bitch say?

If I die, then I die.

I am screaming now, why should I die for this bullshit. She loses it and says why I’m bringing up one thing to prove a point, and I am searching for a weapon, I want her dead, I want to kill her, I’m not ashamed of it and maybe that makes me fucked up but I need her out of my life. I can’t look at her, I can’t deal with her, this bitch will kill me for her own pride and she will forever be a hypocrite for it. That bitch will only force one thing on me without any evidence to prove a point, tying happiness and money and just generalizing the experience then has the gall to say my evidence doesn’t matter, that I shouldn’t use one example to define the whole experience?

I just can’t. I want to kill her. I need to kill her. I need her to die. I can’t live like this, not as long as that bitch is alive. The bitch who turned me against the only one to love me, the one who poisoned my thoughts of everything, I can’t even think of doing what u want without the doubt, without thinking of money creeping into it and all of a sudden I’m ok with going through with it. I doubt everyone in my family and it’s both of their faults and I just want everyone to die and leave me alone. I just want to run away and live some YA story and be fulfilled without ever seeing them again. I just want them gone forever. I’m never going to forgive them, I refuse too, I’m not a good person who can handle that even though it’s the right thing to do. I like it when people I hate suffer, writhe in agony and regret, begging for forgiveness before wallowing in pain. I want them to do that and I want to see the looks on their faces as I say NO but that itself depends on the fact that I know well, and I hate how I need it.

I just need everything to burn and die already

tiwaztyrsfist:

theghostknight:

People keep saying that Detective Pikachu is going to have the obligatory almost-swear-but-cut-away-last-second joke, and it almost certainly is going to do that

But I can’t stop thinking about the fact that the movie IS PG-13

Meaning they can get away with saying fuck once and keep it PG-13

Reverse cut-a-way.

Detective Pikachu is in a room with normal humans who can’t understand him. He stubs his toe really hard.

We get like 30 seconds of very loud angry “Pi pika pika pipipika kakapika pipi-” then the main character walks in and we just hear the deep detective pikachu voice go “-FUCK!”

shewalkslikethunder:

i’m just incredibly tired of this rhetoric where apparently we have to be super gentle and coddle white children through the shock of realizing they aren’t actually better than everybody else, there’s just been an imbalance in their favor throughout history; that we should be understanding of how hard it is to accept that they may not have earned everything they have

and yet nobody gives a thought to how painful it must be for children of color to be taught that they have to be on guard against prejudice or violence at all times, that sometimes people will treat them badly for no reason and there’s nothing they can do about it

no, no, that’s just the facts of life. just standard growing up stuff. being conditioned to handle constant dehumanization is not as hard to cope with as maybe not being as good at life as you thought you were.